Choosing a Mate

Constructing Good Family values, for your life future.                               (Written for the intent, to make you think, before you jump into something that will be life long!)

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Seven helpful hints to help you choose a mate and things to think about, before you commit. Be in love, not lead  by the eyes lust.

I have heard this question over and over: I don’t know what to look for, or what to think, or what to ask about in choosing a mate???

1^st note: Never choose a mate out of loneliness or desperation, these senses can trick us into desperate measures. The consequences of choosing a mate out of loneliness or desperation can be disastrous. Many people have gotten married for these reasons and have ruined their lives. Once you take that step or leap it can be difficult, to reverse it, or take it back. You run the risk of having children and the consequences of your choice will in many ways take from the quality of life and family affairs of your children. You could be stuck for many years in something you wish you would have never gotten into. (Be smart and wise in what you do)

2^nd note: Never choose out of the lust of a fleshy desires, or for the want of money or material. Your fleshy senses can lead you into places you wish you had not gone into, this mistake has shipwrecked many relationships and entered jealously into the union. Don’t let your desire of your eyes control your judgment. A relationship built on a fleshy desire is surely doomed to fail, don’t let the love of money or material blind you. Your life is valuable and too short to waste on foolish mistakes. Money will never buy you love or true happiness. (Be sure of what you want in life)

We are always too quick to rush into something without forethought. (Think First)

3^rd Note: Always remember that you are two different individuals with some differences, what ever they may be. You may not get it perfect with your choice, but at least you took some time to consider what is best for you.

 4^th Note: See other sections in this book to help you in your personal dealings with your mate of choice. Your choice of a mate will be the most important choice you will make in your life time, simply because you’re whole life structure will be built around your mate and the family you have with that mate.

These 7 points  we will give you, that will help to guide you to make the right choice, they will give you a good handle on choosing your lifetime mate.

You want to be happy and satisfied with the person you will spend the rest of your life with, you also want that person to be happy and satisfied with you.

 Seven helpful hints:

1.Body frame and size that attracts you.

2.Hobbies that are compatible.

3.Interest that are the same.

4.Personalities that are similar or different. (Very critical)

5.Same family values (religion, children social, schooling etc…)

6.Hygiene that is or is not acceptable (home, body, etc…)

7.Personal habits that are similar or acceptable. (Very critical)

1.  Body frame and size that attracts you.

Be sure the person you choose pleases your eyes and you are content with their body frame and size. Every person has a different view on what they want in appearances. Some people like smaller frames and some like larger frames, some like short, others like tall. While others like skinny and others like heavier. Some like dark complexions, while others prefer light complexions. Some like sharp features while others like dull features. Some people like beautiful, some prefer pretty or plain. When you choose sift through your thoughts and be sure of a choice you will be happy with. It is a sad thing not to be cautious and realize later that you were not pleased with your choice, this will surely affect the way you feel later in your relationship. Make sure your feelings and your physical choice is something you want to live with and accept.

2. Hobbies that are compatible

Find out the similarity in hobbies. If you have or can find things you like to do that are the same, this adds quality to your relationship. Talk to each other maybe you will discover that you both like something that neither one of you have tried, and if so it could make up for the things you do not have in common concerning your hobbies, There are many hobbies to acquire or choose from in life, and I am certain you both could find a few to do together, this does not mean you have to give up your personal hobbies. It simply means you are finding grounds of compatibility. Remember you are two different people and you are looking for the best of life and trying to remain together and be happy by adjusting.

3. Interest that are the same

This could include many interest, here are a few I feel are important points.

(a) Social (b) educational (c) religious{Most important} (d) financial (e) material (f) personal (g) special.

All these and many more should be considered. When choosing your mate remember you will spend the rest of your life with this person, so you will have to work together on your interest to be successful and happy.

4. Personalities that are similar

Your view of things might be very different from that of others and your mannerism may be different. Your personal feelings and emotions are very important when choosing your mate. Is negative or positive thinking important, yes very much so? You have to decide how much different you are from the person you choose, and find if your levels of negativity or positivity can be helpful or destructive in your relationship. There is nothing wrong with healthy discussions and making the right choices for yourself, remember it is your life and you only get one chance at life, so do it right the first time.

5. Same family values

Whether you plan to have children or not, your family values are just as important, with or without children. The reasons for this is if you have children, a lot of your life will revolve around your children. You will have to consider your religious similarities or differences. You have to choose schools and education levels for your children and the financial cost of their education, you have to choose a social life and friends for them and yourself and your mate. You have to discuss vacations, play time, family time, health and nutritional issues, all these things come into play whether you have children or not.

If you chose not to have children, you still need to discuss social, religion, family values and nutrition and health. Remember if you do not have children you still have other family members to consider, mother, father, sister, brother, nieces, nephews, grandparent etc… You both had families before you met and these members will always be your family. Why? Because of family gatherings, holidays, birthdays etc…

6. Hygiene that is, or is not acceptable too you (body, home)

This subject seems to be ignored or slips through the cracks at times. Why? Because you just did not want to say something, or you were trying to be polite or blinded by love for that person to take notice or mention it. Hygiene should be important and a lack of it should be important too, depends on the individual. Brushing your teeth, bathing, combing your hair, cleaning your finger nails and general appearance mean a lot to some people, while to others it does not seem to be too important. There are some who could care less about their hygiene, it sure seems that there are different strokes for different folks. You must discuss the level of hygiene that pleases you and that you are comfortable with, your mate must meet some of your acceptable standards, if any. Personal hygiene should be discussed and acceptable levels discussed, remember you want to be happy. Be wise in your choices in life, do not do something today, that you will regret tomorrow.

Home or house hygiene is also important, and levels of acceptable cleanliness in your home should be discussed. To some people some things are acceptable and some things do not matter, while with others, no level of uncleanliness is acceptable, these issues must be dealt with when choosing your life time mate. I personally know families who’s floors are so clean you could eat from off of their floors. On the other hand, I know other families, that if you are starving you could eat from off of their floors also, because that is where there is a lot of food stuck to the floor and dropped at meal time, and their the floors are never cleaned.

7. Personal habits that are similar and or acceptable

• • Do you care if someone leaves things lying around?

• • Do you care if someone picks up after themselves or do care if they are messy?

• • Do you care about manners?

• • Do you care if someone cleans the tub or flushes the toilet after themselves?

• • Do you care if someone is lazy or over active?

• • Do you care if someone watches too much TV or sports?

• • Do you care if someone is social or not?

• • Do you care if someone is extroverted or introverted?

• • Do you care if someone is disruptive, or to quiet?

• • Do you care if someone is argumentative, or listen when spoken to?

• This list could go on and on, discuss habits that you have, that are good and or bad, and what your acceptable levels are. Make your life choices the right choices, habits can be good habits or bad.

Make sure you are in love and not  just impressed, if you feel you are in love, talk and discuss your lives and future. Always think and plan wisely first for your life. I hope these thoughts will help direct you to make the right choices, I wish you the best and hope you make it through life with your choice!

Some basic faith related things to think about.

One of our greatest enemies in and of self, is denial of that which frustrates us unto self destructive emotions. (((Frustration is a true form of life vanity. Whatever is done in our life and is not of faith in Christ, is a form of vanity. Ecc 12:8 Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity.)))

Carrying your life sorrows and or worldly troubles, is absolutely contrary to faith! Carrying them by us, can and will eventually destroy us. These things work against the faith and trust we should have in Christ!

Why?

Yesterdays loses will be today’s sorrow, and cause your tomorrow if you see tomorrow, to be filled with emotional meltdowns and miseries, that are left over from yesterday. Carrying around daily in our heart, what we have lost yesterday, will be, the leftovers of the past we cannot change today, making our today filled with emotions sorrows of our failures, of that which we had lost yesterday, and if we should make it unto tomorrow, our tomorrow will be a repeat of yesterday’s miseries, filled with the sorrows we have not let go of, from yesterday.

Life is littered with troubles and sorrow of many sort, and is too short to be burdened with loses of the past, what ever they are.

When we take our eyes off of the Lord for any reason and or season, it allows the vanity Rom 8:20 to take hold of our lives. In this verse the NIV uses the word Frustration. If we understand this verse of Rom 8:20 and allow the power of its true meaning to train and guide our daily lives, the strength of the failures caused by frustration, will not destroy us, because then we will understand that the frustration of life that seeks us, is caused by the Lord himself, thereby, if we understand and lean this lesson, we will know that he is teaching us through our personal tribulations, to fully trust Him by faith,(John 6:63) and do not to trust in our fleshes emotions or strength(Jer 27:5), and or not to trust our spiritually unstable reasoning and thinking. This is precisely why, and the another reason why the scripture tells us to, put on the armour (Eph 6:11), and to put on the mind of Christ, and clothed in righteousness, and allow Christ to strengthen us Spiritually, all throughout all the storms of life, that assails us sometimes daily.

Anything that is not of faith, will frustrate us in life situations when things do not go the way we want and or expect, therein causing lows of our emotional failures, and these emotions will take our eyes off Christ, in our trust in faith of Christ. Even if our eyes are momentarily, or for short periods of time off Christ   our faith will wane, and we will feel empty of Christ Spirit.

Although he has not left us, the burden of sorrow causes to feel empty by the strength of our sorrows. The scripture that states, the joy of the Lord is my strength, becomes meaningless when sorrows grip us and buries that strength under these sorrows, thereby destroying faith within. Taking our eyes off the Lord is not that which grows faith.

We lose loved ones and or material things for many reasons and this can be very painful within our inner-man of the soul. We must learn keep and make our first love Christ. And He Christ, should be our only inner strength, that can only complete and fulfilled in Him and comes from Him. This why Paul said I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. Our eyes should always be first on the eternal prise, which is Christ Jesus. There is not one person on this earth that we can totally trust, not even ourselves. Human nature can and will always fail us. We cannot even trust human love, because this love is based upon self motives or self agendas, and therefore cannot be trusted.

When life gets us down and troubles come our way, this is the time to go to the altar and renew our trust by having sweet intimate fellowship in open prayer with the Lord in our prayer closet, strengthening our faith, what ever that closet may be.

People and things in life will certainly disappoint us and we may lose some or all of them, but if we learn how to totally trust Christ through faith who will never leave or forsake us, we cannot ever fail within our inner man (even though life failures will come), because the strength of Christ is our buoy that keeps us above the water and the storms of life.

We must realize and surrender to the fact, that life and people can and will disappoint and or fail us in some or many ways.

One of the hardest things to do within us, is allow the flesh to lose its control over us, and give in unto total faith in Christ!

What does it mean to surrender unto the Lord?

We must learn how to surrender unto the Lord.

True surrender is, to let go of that which frustrates us and or holds us back from our faith walk.  We must give up our heart, our mind, our soul and our spirit, which in themselves without total trust in Christ, destroys our true faith walk in the Lord Jesus. Simply because of our emotions (which can spiritually blind us) can condemn us and can be that which cause our failings. We must truly give in to the Spirit of Christ (John 6:63) through total trust in Him, unto complete surrender.

If there is anything in life that can and or will destroy your faith walk, it is not worth having and or stressing over, let it go and move on in your faith walk. It is really today, that is the most important day of your life. Simply because all of yesterday’s loses and sorrows, will never complete your today, knowing that tomorrow is not promised, and yesterday can never be repeated, or today can never take you unto tomorrow. Live for today, Love the Lord whole hardheartedly today, and Learn today, that he is with you and will never leave you or forsake you EVER, in your darkest moments EVER!!! So what ever you do, do not forsake him by living in frustrations of life’s failures.